Pop Culture Vulture

Breaking News from Tiger Woods—He would like to let you know that he’s having a party in his pants and only marginally attractive women who dress like prostitutes are invited. j/k

I’m actually sitting here trying to decide whether to waste my time and read the recap of the statement he made today to the press.

What I’m really wondering is why he needs to make a statement to the press. So you can’t keep it in your pants – sounds like you need to make a statement to your wife or better yet, her divorce lawyer.

Listen, I’m not condoning his actions. I just think that this particular issue is a private matter to be settled between him and his wife. Once you’ve done that, write an apology to your underage fans who look at you like your the second coming and apologize to them for not being the superman that they thought you were. Not that you have to be superhuman not to cheat but you know what I mean. Or at least I hope you do.

Hats off to Elin, by the way, for beating him at his own game, so to speak. I think it’s quite fitting that she beat Tiger’s tail with one of his own golf club. Ha!